First off Happy Fathers Day for my fellow Kiwi’s!
I recently recorded my thoughts on the fatherless generation we face and the issues surrounding this breakdown of the family.
I have posted the following video to Youtube and will soon be uploading it to Minds.com (a new social media site based around free speech):
Here is a rough transcription of the video.
I was inspired to do this video by two things that happened recently in my life.
Firstly I saw the Temuera Morrison ad which you have probably been spammed with on Youtube.
Secondly by the news that my Dad is back in Prison.
I started off making a price EA style video but thought hey this isn’t me. So i want to sit down and have a more candid conversation about this message.
The lack of a father in a boy’s life increases the chances of him being imprisoned more than social standing, ethnicity or a poverty stricken background.
Without sounding too much like I’m parroting stats it is empirically proven that growing up without a father is the single most destructive factor in a child’s life…
Without a father you are 5x more likely to be poor.
5x more likely to commit crime.
9x more likely to drop out of school.
And 20x more likely to end up in jail.
These stats may be from America but here in New Zealand just like with our obesity rates we are not far behind…
We can blame this exodus of fathers on a multitude of things just as we can with any social problem we face today.
The War on women, war on men, this besiegement of the traditional family.
The lack of consequences of having children these days, the introduction of the welfare states, the war on drugs, the stupidity of jail time for victimless crime, the destruction of honour culture among men. All of these are contributing factors.
But pointing the finger doesn’t solve issues.
Aristotle said it best when he stated that ‘Poverty is the Parent of revolution and Crime’
The single largest contributor to Child poverty across the western world is the absence of the father.
I know here in NZ Child poverty is a huge topic of discussion.
But you and I and our future fatherless generation will not be solved through our ‘leaders’.
I don’t know how we can remedy this, I would be foolish to think I have any answers at all but this needs to be a topic of conversation.
With our birthrates declining, national debt, ageing population that on top of the welfare states we have created is going to cripple our future generations financially.
This is an issue that should be in the forefront of our leader’s minds?
To be honest I think it is foolish to rely on our governments to solve this.
They do not care for your family and your future.
It will not be solved by milking the teat of our welfare states.
It will not be solved by praising broken families and worshiping single mothers as angels. Men this will not be solved if you do not take personal responsibility for ypur actions.
This epidemic is something that I believe will only be solved on a grassroots level. From the ground up.
I grew up fatherless, with my dad incarcerated. In my generation I am not the minority.
Here in NZ during the 2013 census 51.6% of one child families came from one parent homes.
This is a message I am passionate about. Luckily I have been an outlier in this circumstance. One of the lucky ones to not follow in my father’s footsteps.
So to the men out there be aware, future fathers.
Your absence in your child’s life is a nothing but toxic.
Tyler Durden from Fight club refers to the men of our generation as ‘Lost’ – without fathers.
We have no history, no purpose or place.
You are essential to your children’s success
Statistically, scientifically, your presence in your son’s life, in your daughter’s life, is the single biggest determining factor in their success or failure…
This is a short animation I made 2 years ago taking a look on the cyclical nature of this situation.
To those of you that share this experience with me I have a short message to you.
If this does resonate with you. Brother, sister, if you too are a part of this fatherless generation know now that you are not a victim.
It may piss you off. It may be a hard pill to swallow or maybe a refreshing breath of air.
There are no victims in life. Only volunteers.
Unfortunately victim points don’t afford you anything in life and though you too might have had the odds stacked against you, your destiny does not have to be another statistic.
Not to get into a motivational spiel but
Our challenges are not our own, everyone goes through their own trials. You get through your struggles to show others that they too can overcome their own.
Focus on the control you have on your own life. You are responsible for your life.
And guess what you cannot blame your Dad for all of your problems, I could blame my Dad for never being there for me, for being a criminal, for being in and out of prison my whole life but I would also have to blame him for the strength and the Independence he gave me.
Unfortunately you don’t have the luxury to sit back wallowing in self-pity and excuses, woe is me, someone should be looking out for me.
No you are a man, you are woman, you a person, you are responsible.
You have an advantage over ‘normal’ people. That pain that you have felt all these years. Turn it into fire, into passion, into motivation to better yourself and overcome your obstacles. Adversary is the best thing in life as it allows you to grow and learn. And by god you have faced adversary from a young age.
I am by no means trying to force life advice down your throat being only 22 myself.
But I know specific mindset changes have had a profoundly positive experience in my own life and I know that they will in yours.
I’ll leave you with a Berton Buckley quote from the end of his poem ‘The will to win’-
‘If dogged and grim you besieged and beset it, You’ll get it’.